


The Fible

by Sadsnail



Category: Fanfiction - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Scripture Fusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Fanfiction writing, Gen, Not., Refresh buttons, The sadness of Kudos, What really happens when you write fanfiction, Wisdom, Writers, flames, rules to live by
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-18 01:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21519946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadsnail/pseuds/Sadsnail
Summary: Verily when thou art so bored...You did not read wrong. A fanfic about Fanfiction :)Scripture for the Fanfiction writers out there. To aid in your survival and continuing mental health.
Comments: 84
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

  1. In the beginning, The Pen created the Writer, and their Worde was good, but the Movie was bad, and 
  2. On the second day, people came forth and said, "It was bad! We shall fixeth it! The Worde will be great! The Worde will be ours!" And they called it Alternate Universe, and themselves Fanfiction Writers.
  3. On the third day, they were prolific on Ao3, and FFN, and verily, all kinds of Internet sites. Young and old, scribbling away, one eye on the Worde and the other on the Kudo counter.
  4. On the fourth day, they posted, for that was when most of the readers felt fed up with their week, the time was GMT 20:00 and dinner was past.
  5. In the second half of the fourth day, there were naysayers who posted late, for the Americans had still been sleeping.
  6. On the fifth day, they watched their stats, and yea there were tears and lamentations, with minor celebrations under only a select few.
  7. On the sixth day, Beta’s were created, and they re-edited under strict supervision, though there was that one fic where readers flamed and called for the firing of its Beta, which verily 'twas not the Beta's fault if the Writer didn’t follow the SPAG RULES.
  8. On the seventh day, they deleted their account, orphaned their works, and rested.



—Primordia 1:1-8


	2. Chapter 2

  1. Blessed are the, 'My Fic Is The Worst Fic In The World' days, for they too will pass,
  2. and when these days come to pass, look up, and lift your heads high, give praise to the Ink in your Pen, for happiness is but a reader click away.



—Primordia 2:1-2


	3. Chapter 3

  1. Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Words, I shall fear no Readers,
  2. my Pen is my Sword and my Paper my Shield, no harm shall befall my Comment Section.



—Primordia 3:1-2


	4. Chapter 4

  1. And the mighty Pen came forth and said, "Tag your works properly or no reader will find you!"
  2. Truly I am afraid, for I doth made an Niche Work, and Fanfiction is my Fandom.



—Primordia 4:1-2


	5. Chapter 5

  
  


  


  1. If only you had known on this day what would bring you peace! Verily it is the kudo - hit ratio 1:5,
  2. let those who have reached this pinnacle be still and hide their success under the ‘Sort by’ Button, for we will cometh for you and _eat your young._



—Primordia 5:1-2


	6. Chapter 6

  


  1. Of the Pen and the Ink and the Holy Inspiration, fear not!
  2. They cometh and goeth as they please, thou art but their vessel and hath zero importance in the Grand Scheme of things.
  3. By all means shop for the Pen and the Ink in Walmart, but watch Television for Holy Inspiration.
  4. Five times a week and twice on Sundays.



—Primordia 6:1-4


	7. Chapter 7

  1. The days will come upon you when your words will build an embankment against you, and circle around you and hem you in on every side, and verily I say, “You will fight back and edit that sucker _until it yields!”_



—Primordia 7:1


	8. Chapter 8

  1. The Dead Fandom has followers clothed in sadness. Bury your beautiful Worde in r/fanfiction’s Weekly Fic Showcase, Tumblr or Twitter, and out of ashes shall form a fan reborn!
  2. Verily, don’t expect more than one or two, for Miracles are few, and Ink fades.



—Primordia 8:1-2


	9. Chapter 9

  1. On the age old feud of Slash and Het. They are indistinguishable but for the tools they require.
  2. Fight not brethren and try Poly.



—Primordia 9:1-2


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Amintadefender :) Thanks, Dude!

  1. For a Writer's work is measured in Kudos and Subscribers, so sayeth the Pen and the Ink, and the Holy Inspiration.
  2. VERILY that is the Writer's fount of suffering and despair.
  3. Writer’s lament: “Not all that enjoyed left Kudos.” VERILY that is the way of the Worde, which sucks.
  4. Writer’s lament: “Not all who left Kudos, Subscribed!”
  5. FEAR NOT, do not get disheartened, your Worde are of more value than these earthly things, and the reach of the mighty Pen is endless, and also, they might have Bookmarked.



—Blessed Muse 1:1-5


	11. Chapter 11

  1. Of the Sequel, the Pen sayeth the Rule is: “Don’t.”
  2. The Worde of the Sequel rarely gaineth the same attention, and Despair bleeds through its Page.
  3. “But the readers requested!” thou dost protest like a little child.
  4. “Do it then,” the Pen sayeth, “for we all make the same mistakes and verily, yours might turn out to be the exception to the Rule.”



—Primordia 10:1-4


	12. Chapter 12

  1. And Pen said, “Bring all the little children unto me and let them Scribble freely. Let anyone who doth not respond with a Kind Worde on Comments take heed and be quiet, lest they suffer in an Inkless eternity; for the Internet is anonymous, and the Writer might be eleven.”  
  




—Primordia 11:1


	13. Chapter 13

  1. To thine own self be true. Insert!  
  




—Primordia 12:1


	14. Chapter 14

  1. But of Critics, I will show you who to fear.
  2. Consider carefully what you hear, “Fear not the Ones that degrade your Worde. Fear not the Ones that burrow their fangs into your Heart and befoul your Mind with thoughtless Reviews. Their barbs have no value but that which you have given them yourself; and what comes out of their wounded mouths defiles them. Head me now. Fear but the One that resides within the depths of your Soul.”



—Primordia 13:1-2


	15. Chapter 15

  


  1. Readers! You see not the Writer begging at your table for a crumb of Encouragement! It’s the Sustenance their Soul hungers for.
  2. _Throw off your Mantle of Restraint_ , and cast your coins liberally into the Comment section! You’ll have but gladdened their Hearts as they’ve done yours.



—Primordia 14:1-2


	16. Chapter 16

  1. Verily, the love bestowed a Short Fic doth rarely flow beyond its Worde Count.
  2. Internalize your pain, dear Writer, enshroud your wounded Heart in my Page, hide your anguished howls, for the day will come when your Soul will bleed rivers of Ink.
  3. Fear not! The Pen records All!



—Primordia 15:1-3


	17. Chapter 17

  1. Long ago the Pen ordained it. Mighty flames falleth before one simple response. Writer, say: “Nah.”  
  




—Primordia 16:1


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to the very patient [ Neymovirne ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neymovirne/pseuds/neymovirne).

  1. Oh, Aristophanes of Byzantium! Even Mighty Authors doth tremble before the comma.
  2. Shall it be placed here, or here, Ink only knows. Verily, the, Mysteries, of, Punctuation, is, but, a, favourite, Beta, away.



—Primordia 17:1-2


	19. Chapter 19

  1. Above all, be strong and very courageous. The Pen commands you: Be careful to observe the Grammar Laws in all your Worde. Write it left to right or right to left, depending on the Language you wield, so that you may prosper wherever you Post.
  2. This Law must not depart from your Page.
  3. Exercise your right to individuality. Refrain only from those Worde that hurts another.
  4. Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Pen, and the Ink, and the Holy Inspiration are with you wherever you Post. Be it Ao3, or FFN, or any preferred Internet Page.



—Primordia 18:1-4


	20. Chapter 20

  1. The Reader will wait a thousand years; is it not but your hand that Pens your Worde? Will your Worde not be worth the wait? Take that Hiatus from your Page, clutch The Most Evile Block to your breast and fear not! The Reader will wait a thousand years more. 
  2. Update please; update soon; are you still writing it’s been a thousand years? Take heed, do not despair, for the cries of the Readers on Abandoned Fics are but laments for loves lost. 
  3. Take that Hiatus, Authors. Go to work, carry on with your lives. But do not forget this one thing, dear Authors: For the Reader a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
  4. And when the thousand years had passed so shall the Readers move on to new Works yet unexplored, leaving your Abandoned Worde to settle on the bottom of the ‘Sort by’ Page.



—Primordia 19:1-4


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to [ OldSchoolJohto ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldSchoolJohto/pseuds/OldSchoolJohto) (Pokemon!), whose words of wisdom woke my muse. In the true custom of Fanfic Writers everywhere, I have taken it and might have mangled it beyond its initial intention, but perhaps not beyond repair. Enjoy!

  1. Take heed! Do not analyze the worth of your Worde against the Hymns sung in its honor. 
  2. The Pen has ordained it to be as simple as this: Nice comments are nice.
  3. There will be a Reader for you, dear Author, who loves your Worde beyond its self-perceived worth, beyond its grammatical mistakes, beyond its inexperience. There will be a Reader for you, or more, gushing the highest of praise in your Comment Section.
  4. So what if The Worde is not as good as they proclaim it to be, your own or another’s; Have we not all different tastes, can another not see the Grain of Merit in an untutored Worde, might a Diamond not be hidden in the rough? 
  5. Fear not, dear Author, and accept the coins earned by the Sweat of Your Brow, by the Ache of Your Fingers, and the Ink in Your Veins. If you are not allowed to make mistakes here, in your Fandom’s Embrace, where would you be safer? 
  6. Fear not, dear Author, but take all Hymns with a grain of salt lest your Worde stays Untutored and Corrupts.



  
  
—Blessed Muse 2:1-6


	22. Chapter 22

  1. And of the Posting Day the Pen hath spoken: “Writers, gnaw your finger off before pressing the refresh button, it is less painful than waiting for hits. Your eye on the page won’t make any difference. You may go for now. Watch Netflix and Chill. When the readers find the time, they will call for you. If not today then tomorrow, be it stealthy or with full fanfare in the comment section, be it a trickle or a flood. Writers, by your patient endurance, you will gain your souls.”



—Primordia 20:1


	23. Chapter 23

  1. Abandoned work. Have you lost heart, Writer? Where has the Ink gone that once bled rivers on your Page. Has your Muse forsaken you, Writer? What fear caused your Spirit to fail.
  2. Set your Pen down, and leave this Page behind you. Go forth into the world. Do not look back.
  3. And when you are ready, consider what this world has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to pen it down, what longing, what zeal, what Words!
  4. Don’t look back, dear Writer, but know this day that you will be missed if your Page stays empty.



—Primordia 21:1-4


	24. Chapter 24

  1. Watch Your words. I have become mute; I do not open my mouth because of what You have done. Remove Your comments from me; I am perishing by the force of Your flames.
  2. You discipline and correct a writer for his iniquity, consuming like a moth what he offers. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was drained as in the summer heat.
  3. Turn Your gaze away from me, that I may again be cheered before I depart and Write no more.



-Lamentations 1:1-3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to all the writers out there who gave us something to read! Go write!

A Psalm to the Author

  1. I waited patiently for the Author to write it, and they turned to me and heard my lament.
  2. Their Worde lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire, away from the daily influx of Political and Environmental Horrors. They set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I read along.
  3. They have given me a new Fanfic to read, a hymn of praise to our Fandom. Many will see what they have done and be amazed.
  4. Oh, the joys of those who trust the Author to deliver.
  5. O Author, you have performed many wonders for us. Your Fanfics for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful tropes, I would never come to the end of them.
  6. You take no delight in empty Comment Sections. Now that you have made me read, I finally understand—your Worde thrives with my assistance.
  7. Then I said, “Look, I have come. I have written about my Love for your Worde: I take joy in reading your story, dear Author, for your words are written on my heart.”
  8. I have told all my people about your Fanfics. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, dear Author, well know.
  9. I have not kept the good news of your latest Chapter hidden in my heart; I have talked about your beautiful Narration and amazing Plot. I have told everyone in the Great Fandom of your consistent Posting Schedule.
  10. Author, don’t hold back your tender words from me. Let your unfailing Ink always protect me.
  11. For troubles surround me—too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.
  12. Please, Author, rescue me! Write quickly, and help me escape.
  13. May those who try to destroy you be humiliated and put to shame. May those who take delight in Flaming be turned back in disgrace. Let them be horrified by their shame, for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”
  14. But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your Worde repeatedly shout, “The Author is great!”
  15. As for me, since I am a poor and needy reader, let the Author keep me in his thoughts. I await your next Chapter eagerly. O my Author, do not delay.



-Paean 1:1-15


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am feeling pissy. Does it show? :))

  1. And the day shall come when you look at your barren Comment Section and despise all Readers. When you wish upon them the plague of low signal hell, when you pray their service provider doubles their fees, when you consider putting the Pen aside.
  2. Should a Writer’s Heart go unanswered? Should their Soul be discarded with one click?
  3. For such Readers do not serve our Fandom, but their own appetites; look to the bottom of the page, dear Reader, and find the comment section. It is our sustenance.



-Lamentations 2:1-3


	27. Chapter 27

Of Jealousy and Wallowing in Despair. 

  1. Authors who read others lament: They have moved me to Jealousy with that which is not my Worde; they have provoked me to Anger with their profound Plot; I shall put my Pen down and Wallow in Despair.
  2. And the Pen sayeth: Rise up! Take up your Ink and learn from the Masters: Return the favor and move them to Jealousy with those which are not theirs; provoke them to Anger with a Story that encompasses all others.
  3. Rise up! Despair not! Allow their Worde to kindle a fire in your veins, and your Ink shall burn unto the Page, and shall consume the Readers, and set ablaze the Foundations of the Fandom.



—Lamentations 3:1-3


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you r/FanFiction for inspiration 😆

  1. Oh, Mighty Orb...
  2. Even if you have been banished to the most distant Page in the Manuscript, from there the Pen will gather you and bring you back.
  3. He will bring you to the Pages that belong to every Reader, be it hard copy or soft, and you will take possession of it.
  4. He will make you more important than any other Worde in the Dictionary.
  5. The Pen will curse your enemies who Hate and Persecute you.
  6. Writer, do not bow to those who Hate an innocent Worde on your Page; Celebrate all that flow from your Ink, let iridescent, baby blue orbs gaze with impunity from your Page, and your Worde shall be called Sublime.
  7. But know the difference between breath and breathe.



—Primordia 22:1-7


End file.
